I am entering day 4 of my 7 day shift this week and it has had many ups and some downs. I came on duty and Wednesday marked the first day of SAP (Summer Activities Program) which basically means someone comes in and plans out activities for our entire summer. :) It makes schedules a little bit easy because we don't have to plan an entire summer for the kids but get to partake in the activities with them...along with of course taking care of the kids, paperwork and taking kids to appointments. Although there is all of that it brings some fun as well to mix. Thursday brought to be an interesting day. It started out wonderful with our girls. We went to SAP and played games with the other cottages one game which included 9 Lives...which for those of you who don't know what that is...it is basically dodge-ball to the extreme where instead of getting hit once and you are out, you can instead get hit 9 times before you are out. It was intense, by the end of the game I was the last girl standing against two boys and then I got out...needless to say after many hits, run ins with other players I was pretty sore! It was super fun though. After SAP we returned to the cottage for hangout time and that is when it all came exploding. One of our girls had a rough visit that past weekend where she broke rules, etc and we explained to her that because of her actions she lost her visit for the next weekend. Well she didn't take it well and she ended up walking back from the office to the cottage and started packing her things stating she was leaving and she was ready to go. Then she ended up playing basketball to let her anger out, throwing things and threatening the program manager and my fellow staff while I was downstairs with the other residents. In the end the Sheriff had to come out and she ended up having to leave Grace. It was sad though because we know she could have done so well here and she had already made some major progress while she was with us. It is harder when they leave unsuccessfully and you know they could achieve great things but they choose instead to be stupid with their choices. I do hope the best for her though, even if it means she has to hit bottom before she can pick herself up and make good choices.

So after that night it was pretty rough and Becca and I were exhausted. Then when all you want to do is sleep it doesn't happen. One of our other girls was returning from visiting her family in Kentucky and her time had changed so instead of her returning at 1am she returned at 5:15am! So I set my alarm for 4:20am to be up when she was supposed to get home at 4:30 but fell asleep and she walked in 5:15am. That was indeed a very long first night on duty. I passed out for another hour before I had to get up for the day Thursday.

Thursday was a great day! We spent the morning mowing which went fine and then we took our girls out camping at our boss's house since he has a lot of land! We packed up for a night all the tents, sleeping bags, food, etc and left at 5:30pm. We set up camp, cooked hot dogs, banana boats and these tasty things called Dough boys over the fire! It was so much fun to get out into the nature and spend some time outside with the girls. We must have worn them out because they all were in bed in their tents by 9:30pm! So it gave us as staff the opportunity to just hangout together by the fire and talk. It was great being able to get to know one another more and just hangout and have fun. Especially because Becca, Hannah and I never are off duty together so to hangout together and have fun when we don't have to worry about the kids that much was great! I love camping too and so to be able to share this experience with the girls was awesome! We told them that if they cooperated together we would get them McDonald's breakfast the next morning for doing so well. So we took them to McDonald's for breakfast before we went back to the cottage to shower and get ready for SAP.

Friday comes and we went out for breakfast after packing up camp, returned to the cottage and showered, then went to SAP. Friday we played volleyball and soccer and man was that intense. I never realized how competitive I was in sports until I came here to work. I do just love being outside and being active. We had a great day of sports then had a relaxing evening for pizza and a movie like we do every Friday night.

Today is Saturday which marks day 4 of 7 for me. It is pretty low key which is nice. We have spent the day deep cleaning, playing board games and right now we are making Bagels. It is quickly becoming more and more like home to me here and I love every minute of it, even if it is challenging. I look forward to sharing more summer fun memories with you all! I am sure there will be more to come by the end of this shift!

Love,
Ashley

Bader Staff Summer 2013

Becca, Hannah Annie (Our Summer Intern) and Myself

This week will begin the end of school and the beginning of summer. I am on break yesterday and today and will go on duty tonight to cover a day for my friend Hannah who is in Ohio with her family. So yesterday was awesome my friend Caitlain and I went to Lincoln to go thrifting, have pedicures done and go to Starbucks so she could work on homework and I could just hangout. It was a glorious day! I had my first pedicure ever and let me tell you it was amazing! My feet felt wonderful and we decided we were gonna try and get one done once at least every month. It was a great way to relax and unwind, plus the chair was a massage chair so a massage plus a pedicure was amazing! I found some great deals while thrifting and it was great to get out of the town and just spend a day away, especially considering summer is now here. So I am going on duty tonight and tomorrow will begin summer. It is crazy to believe that 1.) Summer is here already and it is only the end of May and 2.) that tomorrow marks my 5 months of being here! It seems like time is flying so fast here and yet some days it seems like it is going so slow! Not to mention in two weeks from Thursday my mom and step dad will be coming down for a visit for my birthday weekend! Holy crap! I will be 24 on the 5th of June and it is hard to come to terms that another birthday is here again, or the fact that my family is coming down to visit! I haven't seen my mom and step dad in 5 months! I am super excited but at the same time I am super nervous. It will be nice to have some family down here though to show them what I do and where I am living! I love my new life down here in Henderson and I cannot wait to share that. I am also excited and nervous as to what the summer will bring. I know a few things it will bring with new experiences...learning how to water ski every Monday in June and to ride a 64 mile bike ride! Two things I am super excited for! Scared to death to learn to water ski but also excited...we shall see what is in store for me next! I will keep ya posted on my first week of summer and how we survive! Love you all and thank you for following me along with this journey! I love you all!

Love,

Ashley 

My last few days on duty were some emotional ones for sure. Thursday and Friday were pretty normal, aside from that fact that I had to help set up the house for one of our girl's graduation party's for Saturday. It was super busy plus I took one of the other girls Thursday morning to her Medication Review. A med review is always interesting, especially their first visit. It gives you the opportunity to see how the kid's meds are working...or not working and they evaluate how they are doing. It was an interesting appointment for sure that ended up lasting over an hour and half!! I obviously can't go into details on what is discussed and what for, but it really opens your eyes to the challenges the kids face in their lives and how the choices they make in their lives really effect their future and how they can process things such as life skills. It gave me the opportunity to really understand this girl and how much work she is going to be. She is sweet most days but she is also a very difficult child. I think with time and patience she can go a long way but it is the leading to it that will take a bit, especially until we can give her the new medication. But until then I will just need to have some patience I think, and a lot of support from my friends.

Saturday was my first day off but it didn't really feel like it. I attended my girl's graduation party from 2-5pm, and since it was super busy I figured I would lend an extra hand to help out Hannah and Becca since they also  needed to take care of the other girls as well and so they can use all the help they can get. Which I didn't mind at all, it gave me an opportunity to hangout with the girls and show support to the one girl of ours and her big achievement! After the party I went and relaxed then went to hangout with Caitlain to help her decorate another kid's graduation cake...and when I say help I mean I kept her company and simply baked cupcakes while she did all the decorating. It was a great time to just relieve some stress that we both had been having this past week so that was nice. It is great to have fun and have a friend you can just be yourself with and vent and rage, which we both needed so to have that support it is great!

Today has been pretty low key. We went to church, then attended the graduation ceremony. It was great but also emotional seeing my girl graduate, sad but happy all at the same time. Especially knowing that she is being discharged on Tuesday. It is hard I think because she is my first girl to leave successfully since I have been here. I am so proud of her for achieving so many great things and I can't wait to see what she will be doing in the future! After graduation I went to another graduation party for another one of our students from the Boy's Cottage. Spent some time over there and now Caitlain and I are just sitting down in Starbucks enjoying coffee, dinner and working on some paperwork/school work. It is wonderful to just sit in here and relax for what feels like the first time my entire break. Keep in mind I still have tomorrow off until I go on duty tomorrow night but even just having this one breathing moment for the past 2 days of my break is fabulous! I am also looking forward to tonight when we go back to the house and eat ice cream, vent, relax and watch some chick flicks. It will be a great end to the night. I just hope that we both will be able to recover not only physically from a long week of work but also emotionally. I just know for me personally it has been a rough week especially emotionally and so trying to gather all of that together and prepare to go back on duty is a lot of work. It is hard to deal with your own personal things when at the same time you are trying to deal with those emotions of 5 teenage girls! I suppose that is the most challenging part of my job is trying to stay in check for the girls but at the same time deal with my own personal issues and emotions on my own time without it effecting how I work with the girls. It will definitely take some time still in order to grow accustom to how I am feeling and how it effects everyone around me. Even though they don't know I am feeling what I am feeling most days, it is nice to know that I do have those friends that I can vent and express my emotions to as well. I continue to appreciate each and everyone of your friendships and support as I continue what God has planned for me to do. I love you all! A special shout out to all the moms out there and a Happy Mother's Day to you all! And a very special Happy Birthday to my brother who just turned 27 today! And a Happy Birthday to my other brother who turned 32 the 2nd! You all are loved!

Love,
Ashley

I am now on day four of my shift this week and it has honestly been a pretty rough week. Most of which started last night. One of our girls is struggling with making up her make up work within the next two weeks before school is out. We have been of course having her work on a lot of it each day and night during free time, which of course she hates and never fails to complain about it. I want to encourage her, but at the same time it is frustrating because she just processes things differently and slower and it is hard to keep her motivated when she wants to complain. The best I can do is do what I am doing along with my other staff members in encouraging her to keep at it. Advice is always recommended! Then to top that off, yesterday another one of our girls had a major attitude and my other staff sat down with her to discuss her attitude which ended up in a huge blow up. Which, we also got after her for changing into Capri shorts at school when we told the kids they couldn't wear them because it wasn't warm enough, and so she changed at school...which of course we noticed after she returned home and told her she had a consequence for that. This in turn caused another blow up between her and my fellow staff. Which, I tried to do the best I could in supporting my friend with our decisions, especially after she had to talk to the mom of the child, which was fine until the child got the phone and turned the tables. I just wish I could support her more, perhaps that is something I need to work on more. But at the same time I hope she knows that I do support her and want to make it easier on her in anyway possible, especially since this had been a rough week for her and was a half rough week for me since it was only day 3 yesterday. So I ended up staying back from an event last night for the one girl to work on her homework, and the other one throwing a fit because she was in no way earning to go out. I am totally okay with staying with those two, I mean if Becca can take the brunt of the blow with parent conversations and yelling, then I can take the after math at least. In the end it just ended up being a long night, with both of us extremely exhausted. I went to bed drained and hoping that tomorrow would bring a great day...

Wrong again, it hasn't been completely horrible with the kids really. I mean yes the same two are upset about having to work on consequences and homework, but that I can handle. But I had my foster parent training class again today, and this was an extremely hard day. We ended up having to share some personal stories that are heavy on our hearts and I shared some stuff that has been going on with my mom and those situations. Well I won't tell you what that is because it is super personal but it has definitely been heavy on my heart. Sharing it is class was extremely difficult and it wasn't even all that I had to share but what I did share has just sat with me throughout the rest of the day. It is hard to processes it as well when you hate crying and sharing emotions with others. It obviously is something I need to work on but it is still hard. It just is really hard to try to process your own emotions while trying to handle the kids and their emotions, complaints, etc. I thankfully have some great friends down here to process with, but at the same time I just hate having to burden my problems on them....I don't know maybe another thing I need to work on? I hope tomorrow and the rest of my week plays out okay but as of right now I am not super positive, just down in the dumps.

Love,
Ashley

This week of work has been an interesting and fun filled shift. It was wonderful outside, mid seventies and so we have been spending most of our time outside with the girls. I got a bit burnt but the nice thing is it has turned into a wonderful tan after a few days. :) Which makes me laugh because the same time I was getting a tan my family was getting 14 more inches of snow back home. I guess I moved just in time to miss the crazy weather. And so one of my days it was like 86 degrees out (I know mid April crazy!) so two of our girls decided they wanted to challenge us to a basketball game. Now let me set this up...on of our girls had a family visit and so her and her family were sitting outside on the deck just hanging out. The two girls who are 17 and 18 years old, one is 5' 2" and one is 5'10" and so they are all talk and saying things like "Ok old ladies come on we may even go easy on you!" etc., so Becca and I decide ok we will do it. So Becca goes up against the 5'10" because she is pretty tall herself. Well we start playing and getting our competitive juices going, and let me tell you Becca and I both get VERY competitive when it comes to things...especially sports! So we are going and kicking the girls butt. Well they decided to pull another of our girls in who is 15 so it is now 3 against 2 and we are beating them...so I may have accidentally elbowed the 5'10" girl in the face...which is a miracle in itself because 1. we somehow ended up against each other and 2. because I am only 5'5" so I don't even know how I ended up reaching her face! Well she got me back on accident so I got poked in the eye by her hand as well....fare enough trade....we TOTALLY kicked all 3 of the girls butts!!! IT was fabulous and the whole time the other girl and her family were just sitting and watching the game and laughing. They were all like "man we had never seen you guys this crazy or competitive!" and at the end of the game the 5'2" girl goes "Man remind me never to play basketball against old people again!" HAHAHA! That is what you get! We are good players...not to mention we are NOT that old!

Well the rest of the week was a pretty decent week. We spent it getting one of our girls ready for prom. That is crazy to think of yourself as a parent especially when it comes to prom! The emotions come from all over as you help them get dressed and all fancy. Then the snapping of pictures and walk through! IT was amazing. You never expect to get emotional until it happens. I saw her getting ready and it overwhelms you...the feeling of "this is what it is like to be a mom!" Never would I have thought I would have that feeling at the age of 23...almost 24, especially about teen kids! But being a parent is definitely something I am and it takes over you no matter what kind of parent you are. And it is a great feeling! I am looking forward to more of these moments. I got to experience the mom feeling with Becca and Caitlain as we stood at walk through before prom began with our cameras...snapping away it was like "oh boy we are those parents who yell stop so I can take a picture!" But I honestly wouldn't change one thing about it! I grow each day as I work with amazing friends and although days are rough with the kids...it's the moments like this that make it all worth while! These little pleasures and happy tears are what make this difficult job worth it...it is what keeps me pushing through and waiting for that next moment! And I am glad to say I have some pretty awesome friends to go along this ride with!

Love,
Ashley

As I prepare to go back on duty tonight I figured I would share a little bit about my past week and my break. I honestly cannot complain this past week...I guess that means we had a great week! But usually with a great week comes a rough week...it is only natural so we shall see. I hit my 4 month mark here at Grace on April 22 and it was super crazy to believe I have been here for 4 months now! Henderson has definitely become apart of who I am and I can see myself here for quite awhile. We now have 5 girls in our cottage which is a normal number seeing as we can house up to 8 so I am sure there will be a few more girls coming our way before summer gets here. I guess the biggest thing I have had this past week was that one of my girls had to have her wisdom teeth taken out. So I took her to her surgery and brought her back and really just took care of her along with my fellow staff what with getting up at 2am some nights just to get her some pain medicine so that she could sleep. It is amazing how once I took her to her surgery how much I truly felt like a mom! I even had the soccer mom mini van when I took her so that really added to the effect! It is amazing how after only 4 months of working here your mother instinct takes over because these kids slowly become yours, as frustrating as they may be sometimes and you just wanna go crazy...but hey I guess that is parenthood right!? As my step mom would say "you are a parent...you just missed the cute phase of their life and where you find out what their personality is like!" Which is so true! But I am definitely trying to figure out the personalities of each of the girls...both the good parts and the bad. But they aren't necessarily "Bad" they just have a lot of hurt and somewhere deep down is that true person who needs to come out and show themselves. So week was overall good. I even went off duty with a ton of energy! I stayed late just to hangout with Becca and Hannah after the kids went to bed. Normally when I get off duty I can't wait to leave and just go to bed but not this week. I hope there are more moments like that. I have been going over there every night of my days off just to hang with them. Which is awesome because it gives me the opportunity to know them more and become better friends! I hope these friendships continue to blossom as they have been as I learn more about who they are and their personalities and they get to know me more, as I slowly open up more about who I am.

I spent most of my break hanging out with Caitlain, cooking and baking. I was just energized to bake and cook and so I made homemade chicken and rice soup for the first time and also some tapioca pudding, then I made my very first cinnamon rolls for class on Wednesday! It was all super successful! Then last night I had a slumber party at Green House with Caitlain because I didn't feel like waking up early with the Fire Marshall coming over to my off duty house so we had a sleep over! We scrap-booked  then I went and hung out with Becca and Hannah, came back and Caitlain and I just sat up talking and falling asleep on the couch and chair. Then this afternoon we went up to Aurora had coffee, and lunch at this cute coffee shop called Esspressions and simply just walked around town since it was super nice out! Then when I got back into town it was a perfect day for a jog, a slight breeze so I ended up lacing up and going for a jog around the pong and back. Now the rest of my day consists of relaxing before I go back on duty tonight at 9:30pm. I look forward to another great week and I appreciate your continuous prayers you all have been giving me and supporting me while I am down here on this grand adventure! I love and miss you all!

Ashley

 My first time cutting a turkey! Thanks dad for cutting a turkey 101 via phone!

 I may have broke the pool table...but hey I fixed it! Guess I don't know my own strength!?

 Spunky sat on Hannah's scrapbooking pages... haha

 But how can you get mad at this face!?

 Our Thankfulness journals!

 MMM Coffee and German Chocolate Cake from Chances R'!

 Storm coming! Looks super cool!

 It's official! I am a Nebraskan! My license tells me so!

Tribute To Some Wonderful Friends:

Tomorrow marks my 4 month period of working here at Grace Children's Home....wow 4 months already! It is truly hard to believe, there are some days that I think I haven't been here that long and other days where I feel that I have been here for years! My 4 month mark is the time where I meet with the program director and according to him when I first was accepted for the job he said "Your 4 month mark is the time you can flee from Grace if we scare you to death without worry!" I just chuckled at him when I started but after these past few months I have seen those crazy moments, and sometimes crazy kids that explain why I would want to flee. But honestly, as I think back on my 4 months here at Grace...I wouldn't trade them for anything. Sure things have been rough at times, but they help me grow. I am continually learning something new just as the kids I am working with are continue to grow themselves. We grow and learn together, and although it isn't easy it is worth it. You don't give up on the ones you love...families don't flee so why should I? I have made some pretty wonderful friends here these past 4 months as well. Three girls in particular I have grown super close with I feel. First there are my two wonderful co-staff/house parents I work with here at Bader: Becca and Hannah. We have three very different personalities which makes the relationships we have that much more interesting but also so great! Becca and I, although we have very different personalities I think we have grown a lot closer than we were when I first arrived. We can communicate (for the most part, I am still working on my communication skills to improve) and understand one another very well. I think it helps that you have two people who are different and grew up in two different lifestyles that can make a household work. We may not always agree, and she is definitely more outgoing than I am...which is something I truly admire about her, it is something I think that makes our friendship work. I am learning a lot about this job through Becca and it helps me understand more about not only her, but how she has been so successful with these girls here at Grace. I admire the way she doesn't care what others think about her, she is who she is and she is okay with it. She truly is a wonderful young woman and I cannot wait for our friendship to blossom into something wonderful!

Then there is my other co-staff Hannah. She is that crazy farmer girl that knows anything and everything about what it takes to live the country life. Whether it be plants, homemade remedies or anything you can possibly make from food to clothes and cleaning supplies. She is that girl that I can definitely learn a lot from! She has quickly become one of those friends I enjoy seeing everyday. She is just bubbly and always seems to have a smile on her face even when she is worn out and tired. I have found it pretty easy to get along with her and be able to have conversations about our families, friends and life struggles with. She is definitely a character, you never know what she will say or do next...but that is one of the many things I love about her! We seemed to have a wonderful system to working together as well. I am more of the paperwork person when the two of us are on and she will cook. Which I am definitely learning a lot from both Becca and Hannah what it takes to cook a meal and learning wonderful new recipes. I think the thing I admire the most about Hannah is definitely the way she carries her passions. She may talk about plants and gardening a lot but I do admire her for her knowledge in the things she loves to do and is passionate about working with and her faith. She is never shy to share with the girls what she has been reading in her devotions and our Sunday School each week. It is something I hope to aspire to do more. God wants us to do and share the Word and Hannah is definitely doing that, it is something that lifts my spirits up on a bad day and encourages me to try harder.

 

Then there is Caitlain. We don't work in the same cottage but we do have our days off together. Which I think helps us get together more and communicate about many different things. She is my Starbucks buddy, which we cannot go a single break without stopping for coffee. :) We have one of those friendship that I think developed quickly. From simply starting to hangout together since we had days off together, to sitting down and having deep conversations. I was surprised this last break I had to find that we had SO much in common with our pasts and our family situations. I particularly remember the night before we went back on duty she came over to borrow a can opener because she couldn't find hers. I was struggling that night just with so many emotions and frustrations from the past week (see my previous blog post) and was looking to vent and I just wasn't getting it from my mom like I was hoping. She came over and we talked for a good hour and half just sitting on the kitchen counter talking and eating salsa. I won't go into detail the topic and discussion we had but we found out so much about each other and how much our families were the same and how we had some of the same struggles. Well 5 minutes later I text her thanking her for talking and letting me vent even though she just came over for the can opener. Well she replied back saying it was definitely something that was on her mind as well and God must have known we were meant to talk to each other and share our stories and vent because no sooner had she walked in the door she found her can opener...right in front of where she was standing! Now God must have planned for us to talk or she would have found that. It is amazing how those things work! It is amazing the people God puts in your life at the right time, and I am fairly certain God placed each of these wonderful ladies in my life and the right moment, and these friendships are blossoming each day and I cannot wait to see them continue. I definitely admire the character Caitlain brings. She has been here the longest out of all the staff, a little over two years. So she is definitely the most wise. And I just love that as much as the kids tear into her and claim they don't like her...it makes me like her even more. She has such courage and wisdom that she doesn't care what they say and she does what she loves to do down here. We both have talked about staying here long term for awhile and possibly even settling down at some point in our lives in Henderson, and I think the fact that she is so accepting of the way God is working in her life while here is amazing. She is a bright and beautiful woman of God and she is someone who can hold me accountable and inspires me to be better and truly think about my life and what God has in store for me.

I don't know if these three read my blog at all. But regardless of if they do or don't I just want to thank you three for being such amazing friends and wonderful women of God that inspire me to be a better person. You three are amazing, beautiful and courageous and God has special plans for all of you and I hope that I am there to witness and encourage the blessings! I love you all!

Ashley