Another break come and gone. This break wasn't really full. I went camping with the girls on Sunday which was awesome! I decided to forget to have my first night off so I can go camping with the girls and Becca and Annie! It was a blast! I do love camping so really just getting away and being outside (even if we camped in a rustic cabin) was wonderful! We got down to Lovewell, KS and set up and simply hung out by the fire, went for a few walks, had smore's, doughboys, and many other yummy foods. It was a great way to start a short break. Then I drove back home and spent all day Monday drinking Starbucks, watching Harry Potter while spread out on the living room floor painting my canvas that I am decorating for my on duty room! It was the best thing I have done in a long time and VERY relaxing! Simply being able to focus all of my time, energy and stress into painting was simply wonderful. I had never painted canvas before but I am loving it already! I think I have found a new hobby to do on my time off. I will show ya the finished product once it is complete! I then ended up working Tuesday at Boy's Cottage for another friend of mine so my break was cut short. However it was kind of nice to be able to work with my friend Andrew and get a break from the girls. I got to work with the boys and play some video games and do all those fun things I did with my brothers that the girls I work with just don't find as much fun! Sometimes it is a wonderful break....not to mention the boys are A LOT less dramatic!

Last night I started working at Bader again with my normal shift. It was kind of a rough day with a few of our girls and their attitudes and I was just dreading coming back even if I got to hangout with Becca again. However, the evening came to a nice end when our friends Hannah, Andrew, and Joseph brought over some WONDERFUL ice cream and we all were up until like 11:30 pm eating ice cream and having some laughs. It is nice to know you had some pretty awesome friends when the times get rough. I honestly think I would have gone crazy already if it weren't for my friends. Though I feel like this week is going pretty fast, I still am struggling a bit with my own personal life. I still haven't been able to fully re-cooperate since my mom and Dennis came down to visit since this past break didn't really happen. Some days I wish I could just sit in my room and cry and scream and let all of my frustrations out....but then I Remember I am on duty and that can't really happen since I have 4 teenagers to deal with. I Think it is why I find journaling, drawing and painting so relaxing and helpful. I get to vent with it. Not to mention aside from that I am having some struggles with a friend of mine from back home that I am trying to figure out how to handle this friendship and if it is a good friendship or not to have...always a dilemma since I love people and being there for others...I don't know. Then to top it off I have a hunch my truck maybe on the outs sometime soon...I truly hope not but if that is the case I just realized to the full extent that with my student loans, medicine to pay for each month...there is NO way I can afford a new vehicle even used. So add that to the mix of trying to manage my finances and figure out my facts of life and a few teenagers in the mix...I would say it has been a bit stressful....is it sad I am already glad tomorrow is day 3 and only 3 more days until I can go off duty again!? I look forward to actually having a full break. A break to be able to paint, vent, cry and see my friends I haven't seen over break in awhile and simply try to breath and maybe figure some things out. Now if I could figure out a solution for money or a new car that would be wonderful! Any suggestions would be wonderful! Seeing as adding another job to this job is DEFINITELY NOT an option haha.

I know life brings these hiccups and some days I do struggle with wondering why I took this job and if I can do it. But then I see those wonderful moments where the kids are enjoying themselves, making good choices, leaving successfully and it simply washes away all the horrible things that happened the nights before where they are yelling and cussing at me. It makes me remember why God has me here and that this is truly where I am meant to be at this time. I see it each time I laugh with Becca and Hannah, or when I have coffee with Caitlain. Those simple moments that make life worth while and makes my days a little bit better and a little bit more complete. I thank God for those moments and for these wonderful friends He has placed in my life.

Love,
Ashley