So my first three days on were fabulous! We had some amazing times with the girls...it was 65 degrees on Sunday and we went to sit on the bridge along the river...we were attempting to fish but it was still frozen so we settled for enjoying the gorgeous day and sit outside. It was really great to just spend time with the girls outside and just have some fun. We also did quite a bit of baking and cooking. I am learning more and more how to cook different meals and I am LOVING that! I have made countless meals I have found from Pintrest and they have been better than I expected. So aside from my new cooking experiences and fishing we also attended the final boys basketball game. I must say I have been to more high school basketball games down here than when I was actually IN high school. But this game was intense and myself along with some other staff were definitely yelling at the refs full force...I almost lost my voice but oh well all for love of sports!...but then the final three days of my shift hit and it was extremely rough...
We have this girl in our cottage and she is one of those girls who seeks attention anyway possible, and her way of seeking attention is by acting out and being completely obnoxious. Well these last three days were beyond rough. So on Saturday the cottage had a great day, all was well. Then at 8pm that night we told one of our girls she needed to shower and get ready for bed, she proceeded to throw a fit saying she wasn't going to shower and that we weren't in charge of her. At that point she began walking to her room. Well we have learned with her that in order to stop her attention seeking we just simply ignore her...no matter how crazy she is being. And so we simply ignored her through all her attention seeking from throwing pens around the cottage, to slamming doors, to running downstairs and hiding in cabinets, yelling at us to shut up and stop following her, and the list goes on and on. So that night she refused to take her medication and to go to bed as well. So we moved to the solution of annoying her at 11pm from humming, to talking loud, calling out other staff over and holding conversations and ignoring her. Finally at midnight she went into her room without a word. So that was day 1 of the long days. We didn't get to bed until 12:30am and then had to get up at 7:00 to start breakfast, plus nightly checks around 2:00am or so. Then Sunday came and the day was going okay. The one girl was still being stubborn but she got ready for Sunday school and Church, we came home for lunch and she went to take a nap. We all went fishing and sitting on the bridge like I mentioned earlier and it was fabulous! Then once again 8:00pm rolled around and we reminded her she had to go shower and an early bed since she needed to go to school early to make up hours she had missed. Once again she refused to take her medicine, shower, and go to bed. She continued to do her usual throw things including chairs, prank calling people, running outside and ringing the doorbell continually, slamming doors to running up and downstairs once again. So once again we continued to ignore her and we had one staff upstairs with the other girls and I stayed downstairs on the computer doing paperwork. That way we knew were she was at all times but she also grew annoyed at us for doing that...which is okay that is my job to make sure we know where she is. Once again she refused to go to bed and instead sprawled out onto the living room floor refusing to move. My fellow staff member went downstairs to prepare to sleep upstairs on the couch in case she decided to stay on the floor. In the end she fell asleep on the living room floor around midnight, so staff slept on the couch. So that was late night number 2 in a row. On my final day of this shift on Monday, I came upstairs to make breakfast since Hannah slept on the couch to watch this girl and make sure she is okay. We tried to wake her up at 6:35am since she needed to be at school at 7:15am. She chose to ignore us and lay there. She got up finally for breakfast at 7:00am with all the other girls. We all ate breakfast and after she stated she wasn't going to school she went to her room. So we continued getting the other girls ready and reminding her that if she didn't go to school today she was going to get In School Suspension. Well around 7:45am she came to me and asked if I could walk her to school, so I took her. Well we walked into the school and sat down with the principal as discussed, he flat out told her that he has bent over backwards to help her and he would love to continue but at this point the only option is In School to make up the 4 hours of school she missed. At that point she walked out on him and told him she wasn't going to do In School. I followed her out, and when I saw my fellow staff member I filled her in and she and this girl went back to the cottage. Well by this time it was 8:15am and I went to an appointment with another resident and when we started heading back into town around 11am I text Hannah to see how things were going...well apparently the other resident decided to walk off the property and just leave. At that point she contacted our executive director since she left the property. He saw her walking and he locked her out of the cottage. When she came back the first time he told her straight forward she had two choices; she could come back to the cottage and follow our rules and be cooperative with staff or this would be her last night at the cottage and at Grace. Well she chose to walk off. We gave her until the end of the day and she continued to walk outside in the cold and no jacket...finally she hung out in the gym for most of the day where we could see where she was. Well, at that point all Hannah and I could really do was sit and wait and go on with life normally with the other girls when they got back from school. It was in the hands of people higher up than us to decide what was next and what we needed to do. Well, Hannah took one of our girls after school to go shopping for clothes since she is new to our cottage and needed some. So I only had two girls which was great because it gave us the opportunity to bond and have a nice relaxing evening. But at the same time I was still thinking about the other girl out there who is out there choosing to not come back simply because we ask her to do the basics of life like shower or go to school. Around 5:00pm I received a phone call from this girl and the program manager who was sitting with her, she said she was sorry for the things she had done the past few days. Well honestly I wasn't sure what to say because she has said this so many times, so she could say it many times but until she PROVED it by changing and listening I couldn't believe it. Well the program manager Laura said they would be by after dinner to talk about life at Bader Cottage and what it would look like. Well 7:30pm came and they came to do the door. I let them in and not 30 seconds into her walking into the house it broke like crazy. She sat on the arm of the chair and we asked her to sit on it right, well that didn't go too well so finally she sat in the chair. Laura told her she needed to go take a shower like they discussed and she said she would do it later. I told her that isn't what we discussed and she didn't like that. So she laid on the floor again. At that point the program manager told her she had two choices, you need to take a shower like we asked or we are leaving the house again. She said she chose neither and we couldn't make her leave. At that point she asked if she could talk to her counselor and I told her no because she needed to talk to one of us. Well she went to her room and slammed her door. At that point we knew things were not going to change, we contacted the executive director and he came out, talked to her and told her she needed to pack a bag because she couldn't stay in the cottage. It took the executive director, director, and program manager involved to get her to pack a bag. They had to escort her out and she stayed with the program manager at her house.
Well that was the end of my shift, and as you can imagine my emotions were everywhere. MY heart has been breaking mostly because I am sad for her and the choice she made. I don't feel guilty because I know I invested 2 months into her, and my fellow staff has invested over a year into her, and if she hasn't made changes and still isn't willing to accept the help from us, then that is her choice. But perhaps it is the parent in me because I am sad to see her choose these things and know I can't help her. I stopped over at the cottage today when the other girls were at school to see how things were going and the plans. We received a call to start packing up here things. So we started that...and it was sad. There is that sad feeling not knowing what is going to happen to her, and that we can't help her. But at the same time we have to continue to work with our other girls, because we do have a cottage to run and we have 3 other girls who need us as well. It is a calm feeling to know that the stress of the cottage is gone and the girls are starting to relax a bit more, but at the same time there is that sadness that dwells. My heart is just heavy as I mentioned at the beginning just with so many emotions and I am physically and emotionally drained and this break really is about gaining my strength back and focusing on how God wants me to go about this and the future and what He has in store with myself and the other girls as well. But I am continuing to pray for this girl wherever she ends up and my heart goes out with her as well. So prayers are definitely encouraged for myself, the cottage, my fellow staff and of course this girl that God will lead us all to where we are supposed to be.
Ashley
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