But so my week started and we got this new girl in our cottage, which anytime we get a new kid they are on intake for 2 weeks, which basically means that for 2 weeks the resident has to be within arms reach of a staff member at all times except for when they are sleeping or showering. Which most kids don't like that rule but let me tell you this new girl is something else! She is probably so far the easiest kid we have worked with since I have been here (knock on wood) but she knows what she has to do in order to get out of Grace, and she knows what she needs to do in order to graduate in May and she is 110% willing to work towards it! I think she is going to bring a lot of positive influence into our cottage for the other girls which they need right now. Along with intake, we have to do 2 nightly checks on the girls especially the new girl. So for the past week we had been taking shifts so my fellow staff has been getting up at 1am to check on the girls and I got the 3am shift....which let me tell you my body is SO not used to being up that early! Even though it is only like 5 minutes to check to get up at 3am do the check then go back to sleep until 6am is exhausting! Needless to say I have been drinking a lot more coffee since I have been down here especially this past week! But it is great to get used to the routine of when a new kid comes since we will probably be getting a few new kids in the next few months. And so aside from just getting used to getting up each night, which now after a week we have moved down to one nightly check so we just take turns on that. So adjusting to a new girl is good but bad at the same time, because than the girls who are currently in our cottage sometimes act out more for attention since we need to focus on the new girl getting her situated and having to be next to her at all times. So some of the girls have been acting up for attention and struggling and that takes its tole. It has just been an emotional week for myself personally. I have had my patients tested quite a bit this past week and one of the girls is known for pushing boundaries and I broke down and ended up walking downstairs to cool down.
For me when I get super frustrated instead of getting angry I have always been the type to start crying...not because I am hurt or they made me sad but because I get so frustrated my emotions just go all over the place and so that finally happened. I just got so frustrated that I just told the other staff I needed to go use the bathroom and later told her I just needed to cool down for 5 minutes. But it makes you realize just how far these kids are willing to push your buttons and how much I need to work on my authoritative side and emotional side and not let them get the best of me...even though it is bound to happen at some time. But in a way I am kind of glad that it finally happened because I know I am not the only staff who has broke down and I am certain it won't be the last. It just continues to remind me that God has placed me here for a reason and I think one of those reasons is to work on my authoritative side and my emotions which has always been a struggle for me. It is hard but I am glad God is continuing to work in me and help me each day, and that I have such wonderful co-staff to work with and support me and we can support one another!
On a lighter note I spent my two days off with some friends. I went with my roommate Jessica to go look at a horse and she asked if I could ride it after she did since I didn't have much experience riding and she wanted to see how the horse responded. It was so much fun! I love getting back into riding horses but it reminds me that I don't know a lot about them and I forgot how sore you are AFTER you ride! My legs ache all over! But it was super fun and I can't wait to do it again! I also just the other day got my hair cut. I got about 3 inches cut off and added layers and started parting it on the side, then today I got it dyed! I was hoping for a little bit more red but maybe in a few weeks I will do that. It just made my hair lighter than before with slight red but I figured perhaps if I am out in the sun more it will add red. If not I will just buy another box of dye and add more red. But I like the idea of a new job, a new life....then it was time for a new hair style and color change! My roommates and I also picked out a color to paint our off duty bathroom with since it needs a real bad paint job! But It is also exciting because we are making the house OURS and that is something I love.
I was also really proud of myself because I made banana bread for the first time all on my own!!! IT tastes so good so I feel I accomplished something and am really getting into baking on my off days again! I can't wait to experiment more on my off days with cooking and baking!
I go on duty tonight for another 6 days so I just continue to ask for prayer and strength for not only myself but the girls and my fellow staff...especially with Valentine's day coming up and the girls teaching them to be focused on God's love rather than boys. Also I really would love getting into writing letters and cards again so if you are reading still and would love to write I would love to become pen pals! My address is listed below! Miss you all and can't wait to blog again and continue sharing this new journey with you all!
Love Ashley
Address:
Ashley Berkholz
P O. Box 519
Henderson, NE 68371
New Hair cut and color!
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