I just finished my shift and I actually only had to work 5 days instead of 6 so it is really odd not being more worn out than normal. I worked an extra day for my friend Hannah a few weeks back so she called me on Thursday night before I came on duty that night and asked me if I wanted her to cover Friday for her...which was super nice because she worked both snow days then! So instead I didn't actually start my shift until Saturday night. And this week was actually pretty good compared to the past few weeks, especially last week. As I mentioned in my last few posts, we were having some issues with one of our girls and her not being able to stay at the cottage unless she follows our rules....well my update is that she left Grace on Sunday. It seems weird to me to not have that atmosphere in our cottage now, because the next few days after she left all of our other girls were in great spirits! It is almost like that negative energy that was lingering around left and they were free to enjoy things and the cottage.
And so my shift began Saturday and it was a very laid back day. With one girl gone on a home visit, I got up at 7am to get another one of our girls off for her day visit....so Becca and I had only 1 girl ALL day! It was fabulous. We just hung out together, finished our puzzle we had been working on for weeks and most exciting of them all I went out with her and took her senior pictures! Now I normally love taking pictures and never considered myself a "photographer" but I said I would give it my best shot...and not to be conceded but they turned out great! Not what I was expecting, but she is also very photogenic so that helped a lot! We spent over an hour...and 60 pictures later I was back at the computer editing them and having a great time! That consisted of most of our day and listening to music and just enjoying an empty house really. It was weird because today when I dropped off her pictures at the school I actually had to sign a waiver releasing the pictures since I took them....made me feel very official haha.
Sunday we went to Sunday School and church, it has been great being able to go to the same church every Sunday. I feel like I am really starting to adjust to life in Nebraska and get situated. Now if only I could get my license taken care of it would be even better! But all in due time...so for now I am paying 2 phone bills until I can prove I moved to a land of no signal for Tmobile. :p
Monday was probably one of the coolest days God has brought into my life for many reasons. So it was just a busy day in general with moving things and organizing paperwork around the cottage while the kids were at school, I also ran a girl to the dentist in the morning so I really got to have a good conversation with her about college coming up and just getting to hangout together and get to know one another just us. It was a wonderful few hours together. Then after I got back I dropped my blazer off at the shop because my back tires were making this squeeky noise....well I figured it was probably my brake pads but I wanted to be sure just in case since my vehicle is pretty old. Well turns out it was the problem...well he said it would be about 165 for labor and back brake pads. Luckily, we have a new staff here Andrew who offered to do them all I needed was the brake pads so it would be tons cheaper! So I called and told them that, and that I would be by to pick it up once they put the tires back on. Well, first cool thing besides Andrew being able to work on my car for free, the guy at the car shop Randy they know Grace really well and said if ever I needed work I could pay whenever I could...really nice things about small towns and working at a nonprofit....but that isn't even the coolest part! I drop by to pick up my truck and get in and there is a note...well Randy (the mechanic) went ahead and changed my back brake pads AND refinished the rotors....FREE!! He said him and his wife were going to cover the costs for me! How nice is that! They left the verse Proverbs 3:27 on there which said: "Do not withhold good from those to whom it is due, when it is in your power to act." I mean how cool is that! It just continues to remind me how generous the people in this town are! That they are willing to cover car expenses simply because I am doing what God wants me to do....It just blows my mind how God always provides for you when you need it most and He places these people in your life to do good deeds. It just affirmed that God was pleased that I am here, and it confirms that I am indeed doing what God had planned me to do! It just makes me smile knowing that I am doing what He wants me to do in life. I want to find some way to thank Randy and his wife...I just haven't figured out what yet. Suggestions would be great!
On Tuesday, it was a bit of a rougher day. Two of our three girls started acting out for attention. One of the girls is leaving Grace for good next week on good terms and because of that she is at that point where she doesn't think she needs to listen to us anymore...which is bad because she is regressing to where she was when she came with not accepting authority and that is not a way to go back home! Then another girl just refused to do anything because she didn't think she had any need to...well she came around and ended up doing her consequences and having a good night and great day today! The one who is leaving is still struggling today with authority but she was in better spirits thankfully.
We had youth group tonight and Hannah and I went to Bible Study. We are starting a new video bible study called Beautiful Offerings, and it is focusing on the Sermon on the Mount and the beauty we as women have been created by in God and how we can glorify Him. It was an amazing first night and I am truly excited to start this bible study! It was a good end to my week which is always nice. I am looking forward to sleeping in the next few days, perhaps do some shopping with Caitlain in Grand Island if we are up for it. We shall see what is in store for these next three days but I shall keep you updated but for now I will say goodnight! Miss you all!
Wednesday, February 27, 2013
Thursday, February 21, 2013
Tuesday, February 19, 2013
My heart is heavy as I finish up my day six of this week and just went off duty for three days. The past three days of my shift were extremely hard and tested everything I am. It affected me physically, emotionally, spiritually, etc. I have now been here in Henderson now almost 2 months (on the 22nd) and it has been an emotional week compared to all the others...no contest.
So my first three days on were fabulous! We had some amazing times with the girls...it was 65 degrees on Sunday and we went to sit on the bridge along the river...we were attempting to fish but it was still frozen so we settled for enjoying the gorgeous day and sit outside. It was really great to just spend time with the girls outside and just have some fun. We also did quite a bit of baking and cooking. I am learning more and more how to cook different meals and I am LOVING that! I have made countless meals I have found from Pintrest and they have been better than I expected. So aside from my new cooking experiences and fishing we also attended the final boys basketball game. I must say I have been to more high school basketball games down here than when I was actually IN high school. But this game was intense and myself along with some other staff were definitely yelling at the refs full force...I almost lost my voice but oh well all for love of sports!...but then the final three days of my shift hit and it was extremely rough...
We have this girl in our cottage and she is one of those girls who seeks attention anyway possible, and her way of seeking attention is by acting out and being completely obnoxious. Well these last three days were beyond rough. So on Saturday the cottage had a great day, all was well. Then at 8pm that night we told one of our girls she needed to shower and get ready for bed, she proceeded to throw a fit saying she wasn't going to shower and that we weren't in charge of her. At that point she began walking to her room. Well we have learned with her that in order to stop her attention seeking we just simply ignore her...no matter how crazy she is being. And so we simply ignored her through all her attention seeking from throwing pens around the cottage, to slamming doors, to running downstairs and hiding in cabinets, yelling at us to shut up and stop following her, and the list goes on and on. So that night she refused to take her medication and to go to bed as well. So we moved to the solution of annoying her at 11pm from humming, to talking loud, calling out other staff over and holding conversations and ignoring her. Finally at midnight she went into her room without a word. So that was day 1 of the long days. We didn't get to bed until 12:30am and then had to get up at 7:00 to start breakfast, plus nightly checks around 2:00am or so. Then Sunday came and the day was going okay. The one girl was still being stubborn but she got ready for Sunday school and Church, we came home for lunch and she went to take a nap. We all went fishing and sitting on the bridge like I mentioned earlier and it was fabulous! Then once again 8:00pm rolled around and we reminded her she had to go shower and an early bed since she needed to go to school early to make up hours she had missed. Once again she refused to take her medicine, shower, and go to bed. She continued to do her usual throw things including chairs, prank calling people, running outside and ringing the doorbell continually, slamming doors to running up and downstairs once again. So once again we continued to ignore her and we had one staff upstairs with the other girls and I stayed downstairs on the computer doing paperwork. That way we knew were she was at all times but she also grew annoyed at us for doing that...which is okay that is my job to make sure we know where she is. Once again she refused to go to bed and instead sprawled out onto the living room floor refusing to move. My fellow staff member went downstairs to prepare to sleep upstairs on the couch in case she decided to stay on the floor. In the end she fell asleep on the living room floor around midnight, so staff slept on the couch. So that was late night number 2 in a row. On my final day of this shift on Monday, I came upstairs to make breakfast since Hannah slept on the couch to watch this girl and make sure she is okay. We tried to wake her up at 6:35am since she needed to be at school at 7:15am. She chose to ignore us and lay there. She got up finally for breakfast at 7:00am with all the other girls. We all ate breakfast and after she stated she wasn't going to school she went to her room. So we continued getting the other girls ready and reminding her that if she didn't go to school today she was going to get In School Suspension. Well around 7:45am she came to me and asked if I could walk her to school, so I took her. Well we walked into the school and sat down with the principal as discussed, he flat out told her that he has bent over backwards to help her and he would love to continue but at this point the only option is In School to make up the 4 hours of school she missed. At that point she walked out on him and told him she wasn't going to do In School. I followed her out, and when I saw my fellow staff member I filled her in and she and this girl went back to the cottage. Well by this time it was 8:15am and I went to an appointment with another resident and when we started heading back into town around 11am I text Hannah to see how things were going...well apparently the other resident decided to walk off the property and just leave. At that point she contacted our executive director since she left the property. He saw her walking and he locked her out of the cottage. When she came back the first time he told her straight forward she had two choices; she could come back to the cottage and follow our rules and be cooperative with staff or this would be her last night at the cottage and at Grace. Well she chose to walk off. We gave her until the end of the day and she continued to walk outside in the cold and no jacket...finally she hung out in the gym for most of the day where we could see where she was. Well, at that point all Hannah and I could really do was sit and wait and go on with life normally with the other girls when they got back from school. It was in the hands of people higher up than us to decide what was next and what we needed to do. Well, Hannah took one of our girls after school to go shopping for clothes since she is new to our cottage and needed some. So I only had two girls which was great because it gave us the opportunity to bond and have a nice relaxing evening. But at the same time I was still thinking about the other girl out there who is out there choosing to not come back simply because we ask her to do the basics of life like shower or go to school. Around 5:00pm I received a phone call from this girl and the program manager who was sitting with her, she said she was sorry for the things she had done the past few days. Well honestly I wasn't sure what to say because she has said this so many times, so she could say it many times but until she PROVED it by changing and listening I couldn't believe it. Well the program manager Laura said they would be by after dinner to talk about life at Bader Cottage and what it would look like. Well 7:30pm came and they came to do the door. I let them in and not 30 seconds into her walking into the house it broke like crazy. She sat on the arm of the chair and we asked her to sit on it right, well that didn't go too well so finally she sat in the chair. Laura told her she needed to go take a shower like they discussed and she said she would do it later. I told her that isn't what we discussed and she didn't like that. So she laid on the floor again. At that point the program manager told her she had two choices, you need to take a shower like we asked or we are leaving the house again. She said she chose neither and we couldn't make her leave. At that point she asked if she could talk to her counselor and I told her no because she needed to talk to one of us. Well she went to her room and slammed her door. At that point we knew things were not going to change, we contacted the executive director and he came out, talked to her and told her she needed to pack a bag because she couldn't stay in the cottage. It took the executive director, director, and program manager involved to get her to pack a bag. They had to escort her out and she stayed with the program manager at her house.
Well that was the end of my shift, and as you can imagine my emotions were everywhere. MY heart has been breaking mostly because I am sad for her and the choice she made. I don't feel guilty because I know I invested 2 months into her, and my fellow staff has invested over a year into her, and if she hasn't made changes and still isn't willing to accept the help from us, then that is her choice. But perhaps it is the parent in me because I am sad to see her choose these things and know I can't help her. I stopped over at the cottage today when the other girls were at school to see how things were going and the plans. We received a call to start packing up here things. So we started that...and it was sad. There is that sad feeling not knowing what is going to happen to her, and that we can't help her. But at the same time we have to continue to work with our other girls, because we do have a cottage to run and we have 3 other girls who need us as well. It is a calm feeling to know that the stress of the cottage is gone and the girls are starting to relax a bit more, but at the same time there is that sadness that dwells. My heart is just heavy as I mentioned at the beginning just with so many emotions and I am physically and emotionally drained and this break really is about gaining my strength back and focusing on how God wants me to go about this and the future and what He has in store with myself and the other girls as well. But I am continuing to pray for this girl wherever she ends up and my heart goes out with her as well. So prayers are definitely encouraged for myself, the cottage, my fellow staff and of course this girl that God will lead us all to where we are supposed to be.
Ashley
Valentine's Day Craft
Caitlain decided to try on these hot pink skinny jeans...no she didn't get them
Will Caitlain drink all this Starbucks or share? She would drink it all if she could but she was nice and shared :)
Our boss Chuck who is in his sixties came by on Valentine's Day during staff meeting and gave each female staff a rose and said "will you accept this rose?" Bachelor style! funny and sweet all in one.
One messy oven...never using that Velvet Cake Recipe again...took forever to clean!
Cowboy Chicken Bake! :)
One of our girls made a cake as well!
Dinner out on the porch with the girls :D
Cowboy Chicken Bake before cooking
Table set and ready to go with music included
Dinner is served!
Nothing like a sunset while eating on the porch!
I took this while sitting on the bridge the other day with the girls...was so fun! :)
So my first three days on were fabulous! We had some amazing times with the girls...it was 65 degrees on Sunday and we went to sit on the bridge along the river...we were attempting to fish but it was still frozen so we settled for enjoying the gorgeous day and sit outside. It was really great to just spend time with the girls outside and just have some fun. We also did quite a bit of baking and cooking. I am learning more and more how to cook different meals and I am LOVING that! I have made countless meals I have found from Pintrest and they have been better than I expected. So aside from my new cooking experiences and fishing we also attended the final boys basketball game. I must say I have been to more high school basketball games down here than when I was actually IN high school. But this game was intense and myself along with some other staff were definitely yelling at the refs full force...I almost lost my voice but oh well all for love of sports!...but then the final three days of my shift hit and it was extremely rough...
We have this girl in our cottage and she is one of those girls who seeks attention anyway possible, and her way of seeking attention is by acting out and being completely obnoxious. Well these last three days were beyond rough. So on Saturday the cottage had a great day, all was well. Then at 8pm that night we told one of our girls she needed to shower and get ready for bed, she proceeded to throw a fit saying she wasn't going to shower and that we weren't in charge of her. At that point she began walking to her room. Well we have learned with her that in order to stop her attention seeking we just simply ignore her...no matter how crazy she is being. And so we simply ignored her through all her attention seeking from throwing pens around the cottage, to slamming doors, to running downstairs and hiding in cabinets, yelling at us to shut up and stop following her, and the list goes on and on. So that night she refused to take her medication and to go to bed as well. So we moved to the solution of annoying her at 11pm from humming, to talking loud, calling out other staff over and holding conversations and ignoring her. Finally at midnight she went into her room without a word. So that was day 1 of the long days. We didn't get to bed until 12:30am and then had to get up at 7:00 to start breakfast, plus nightly checks around 2:00am or so. Then Sunday came and the day was going okay. The one girl was still being stubborn but she got ready for Sunday school and Church, we came home for lunch and she went to take a nap. We all went fishing and sitting on the bridge like I mentioned earlier and it was fabulous! Then once again 8:00pm rolled around and we reminded her she had to go shower and an early bed since she needed to go to school early to make up hours she had missed. Once again she refused to take her medicine, shower, and go to bed. She continued to do her usual throw things including chairs, prank calling people, running outside and ringing the doorbell continually, slamming doors to running up and downstairs once again. So once again we continued to ignore her and we had one staff upstairs with the other girls and I stayed downstairs on the computer doing paperwork. That way we knew were she was at all times but she also grew annoyed at us for doing that...which is okay that is my job to make sure we know where she is. Once again she refused to go to bed and instead sprawled out onto the living room floor refusing to move. My fellow staff member went downstairs to prepare to sleep upstairs on the couch in case she decided to stay on the floor. In the end she fell asleep on the living room floor around midnight, so staff slept on the couch. So that was late night number 2 in a row. On my final day of this shift on Monday, I came upstairs to make breakfast since Hannah slept on the couch to watch this girl and make sure she is okay. We tried to wake her up at 6:35am since she needed to be at school at 7:15am. She chose to ignore us and lay there. She got up finally for breakfast at 7:00am with all the other girls. We all ate breakfast and after she stated she wasn't going to school she went to her room. So we continued getting the other girls ready and reminding her that if she didn't go to school today she was going to get In School Suspension. Well around 7:45am she came to me and asked if I could walk her to school, so I took her. Well we walked into the school and sat down with the principal as discussed, he flat out told her that he has bent over backwards to help her and he would love to continue but at this point the only option is In School to make up the 4 hours of school she missed. At that point she walked out on him and told him she wasn't going to do In School. I followed her out, and when I saw my fellow staff member I filled her in and she and this girl went back to the cottage. Well by this time it was 8:15am and I went to an appointment with another resident and when we started heading back into town around 11am I text Hannah to see how things were going...well apparently the other resident decided to walk off the property and just leave. At that point she contacted our executive director since she left the property. He saw her walking and he locked her out of the cottage. When she came back the first time he told her straight forward she had two choices; she could come back to the cottage and follow our rules and be cooperative with staff or this would be her last night at the cottage and at Grace. Well she chose to walk off. We gave her until the end of the day and she continued to walk outside in the cold and no jacket...finally she hung out in the gym for most of the day where we could see where she was. Well, at that point all Hannah and I could really do was sit and wait and go on with life normally with the other girls when they got back from school. It was in the hands of people higher up than us to decide what was next and what we needed to do. Well, Hannah took one of our girls after school to go shopping for clothes since she is new to our cottage and needed some. So I only had two girls which was great because it gave us the opportunity to bond and have a nice relaxing evening. But at the same time I was still thinking about the other girl out there who is out there choosing to not come back simply because we ask her to do the basics of life like shower or go to school. Around 5:00pm I received a phone call from this girl and the program manager who was sitting with her, she said she was sorry for the things she had done the past few days. Well honestly I wasn't sure what to say because she has said this so many times, so she could say it many times but until she PROVED it by changing and listening I couldn't believe it. Well the program manager Laura said they would be by after dinner to talk about life at Bader Cottage and what it would look like. Well 7:30pm came and they came to do the door. I let them in and not 30 seconds into her walking into the house it broke like crazy. She sat on the arm of the chair and we asked her to sit on it right, well that didn't go too well so finally she sat in the chair. Laura told her she needed to go take a shower like they discussed and she said she would do it later. I told her that isn't what we discussed and she didn't like that. So she laid on the floor again. At that point the program manager told her she had two choices, you need to take a shower like we asked or we are leaving the house again. She said she chose neither and we couldn't make her leave. At that point she asked if she could talk to her counselor and I told her no because she needed to talk to one of us. Well she went to her room and slammed her door. At that point we knew things were not going to change, we contacted the executive director and he came out, talked to her and told her she needed to pack a bag because she couldn't stay in the cottage. It took the executive director, director, and program manager involved to get her to pack a bag. They had to escort her out and she stayed with the program manager at her house.
Well that was the end of my shift, and as you can imagine my emotions were everywhere. MY heart has been breaking mostly because I am sad for her and the choice she made. I don't feel guilty because I know I invested 2 months into her, and my fellow staff has invested over a year into her, and if she hasn't made changes and still isn't willing to accept the help from us, then that is her choice. But perhaps it is the parent in me because I am sad to see her choose these things and know I can't help her. I stopped over at the cottage today when the other girls were at school to see how things were going and the plans. We received a call to start packing up here things. So we started that...and it was sad. There is that sad feeling not knowing what is going to happen to her, and that we can't help her. But at the same time we have to continue to work with our other girls, because we do have a cottage to run and we have 3 other girls who need us as well. It is a calm feeling to know that the stress of the cottage is gone and the girls are starting to relax a bit more, but at the same time there is that sadness that dwells. My heart is just heavy as I mentioned at the beginning just with so many emotions and I am physically and emotionally drained and this break really is about gaining my strength back and focusing on how God wants me to go about this and the future and what He has in store with myself and the other girls as well. But I am continuing to pray for this girl wherever she ends up and my heart goes out with her as well. So prayers are definitely encouraged for myself, the cottage, my fellow staff and of course this girl that God will lead us all to where we are supposed to be.
Ashley
Tuesday, February 12, 2013
This past week has probably been the longest and roughest week yet to date. I worked my usual 6 day shift then I covered for on of my friends so I got one day off and then went back on duty for another day, then went off last night and had today off before going on duty again for another 6 day shift.....been a crazy week! Don't get me wrong I have no problem covering for her especially since I can use my extra day for her to make up and add it to my usual 3 days off sometime and take a trip to visit friends! But it seems like this past week seemed to just be one of those weeks. I have now been full time at Bader Cottage so I have been getting my on duty room all situated...which eventually I need to go thrifting to decorate it but it is super exciting to have my own room to make my own especially since I spend most of my time there anyway.
But so my week started and we got this new girl in our cottage, which anytime we get a new kid they are on intake for 2 weeks, which basically means that for 2 weeks the resident has to be within arms reach of a staff member at all times except for when they are sleeping or showering. Which most kids don't like that rule but let me tell you this new girl is something else! She is probably so far the easiest kid we have worked with since I have been here (knock on wood) but she knows what she has to do in order to get out of Grace, and she knows what she needs to do in order to graduate in May and she is 110% willing to work towards it! I think she is going to bring a lot of positive influence into our cottage for the other girls which they need right now. Along with intake, we have to do 2 nightly checks on the girls especially the new girl. So for the past week we had been taking shifts so my fellow staff has been getting up at 1am to check on the girls and I got the 3am shift....which let me tell you my body is SO not used to being up that early! Even though it is only like 5 minutes to check to get up at 3am do the check then go back to sleep until 6am is exhausting! Needless to say I have been drinking a lot more coffee since I have been down here especially this past week! But it is great to get used to the routine of when a new kid comes since we will probably be getting a few new kids in the next few months. And so aside from just getting used to getting up each night, which now after a week we have moved down to one nightly check so we just take turns on that. So adjusting to a new girl is good but bad at the same time, because than the girls who are currently in our cottage sometimes act out more for attention since we need to focus on the new girl getting her situated and having to be next to her at all times. So some of the girls have been acting up for attention and struggling and that takes its tole. It has just been an emotional week for myself personally. I have had my patients tested quite a bit this past week and one of the girls is known for pushing boundaries and I broke down and ended up walking downstairs to cool down.
For me when I get super frustrated instead of getting angry I have always been the type to start crying...not because I am hurt or they made me sad but because I get so frustrated my emotions just go all over the place and so that finally happened. I just got so frustrated that I just told the other staff I needed to go use the bathroom and later told her I just needed to cool down for 5 minutes. But it makes you realize just how far these kids are willing to push your buttons and how much I need to work on my authoritative side and emotional side and not let them get the best of me...even though it is bound to happen at some time. But in a way I am kind of glad that it finally happened because I know I am not the only staff who has broke down and I am certain it won't be the last. It just continues to remind me that God has placed me here for a reason and I think one of those reasons is to work on my authoritative side and my emotions which has always been a struggle for me. It is hard but I am glad God is continuing to work in me and help me each day, and that I have such wonderful co-staff to work with and support me and we can support one another!
On a lighter note I spent my two days off with some friends. I went with my roommate Jessica to go look at a horse and she asked if I could ride it after she did since I didn't have much experience riding and she wanted to see how the horse responded. It was so much fun! I love getting back into riding horses but it reminds me that I don't know a lot about them and I forgot how sore you are AFTER you ride! My legs ache all over! But it was super fun and I can't wait to do it again! I also just the other day got my hair cut. I got about 3 inches cut off and added layers and started parting it on the side, then today I got it dyed! I was hoping for a little bit more red but maybe in a few weeks I will do that. It just made my hair lighter than before with slight red but I figured perhaps if I am out in the sun more it will add red. If not I will just buy another box of dye and add more red. But I like the idea of a new job, a new life....then it was time for a new hair style and color change! My roommates and I also picked out a color to paint our off duty bathroom with since it needs a real bad paint job! But It is also exciting because we are making the house OURS and that is something I love.
I was also really proud of myself because I made banana bread for the first time all on my own!!! IT tastes so good so I feel I accomplished something and am really getting into baking on my off days again! I can't wait to experiment more on my off days with cooking and baking!
I go on duty tonight for another 6 days so I just continue to ask for prayer and strength for not only myself but the girls and my fellow staff...especially with Valentine's day coming up and the girls teaching them to be focused on God's love rather than boys. Also I really would love getting into writing letters and cards again so if you are reading still and would love to write I would love to become pen pals! My address is listed below! Miss you all and can't wait to blog again and continue sharing this new journey with you all!
Love Ashley
Address:
Ashley Berkholz
P O. Box 519
Henderson, NE 68371
New Hair cut and color!
But so my week started and we got this new girl in our cottage, which anytime we get a new kid they are on intake for 2 weeks, which basically means that for 2 weeks the resident has to be within arms reach of a staff member at all times except for when they are sleeping or showering. Which most kids don't like that rule but let me tell you this new girl is something else! She is probably so far the easiest kid we have worked with since I have been here (knock on wood) but she knows what she has to do in order to get out of Grace, and she knows what she needs to do in order to graduate in May and she is 110% willing to work towards it! I think she is going to bring a lot of positive influence into our cottage for the other girls which they need right now. Along with intake, we have to do 2 nightly checks on the girls especially the new girl. So for the past week we had been taking shifts so my fellow staff has been getting up at 1am to check on the girls and I got the 3am shift....which let me tell you my body is SO not used to being up that early! Even though it is only like 5 minutes to check to get up at 3am do the check then go back to sleep until 6am is exhausting! Needless to say I have been drinking a lot more coffee since I have been down here especially this past week! But it is great to get used to the routine of when a new kid comes since we will probably be getting a few new kids in the next few months. And so aside from just getting used to getting up each night, which now after a week we have moved down to one nightly check so we just take turns on that. So adjusting to a new girl is good but bad at the same time, because than the girls who are currently in our cottage sometimes act out more for attention since we need to focus on the new girl getting her situated and having to be next to her at all times. So some of the girls have been acting up for attention and struggling and that takes its tole. It has just been an emotional week for myself personally. I have had my patients tested quite a bit this past week and one of the girls is known for pushing boundaries and I broke down and ended up walking downstairs to cool down.
For me when I get super frustrated instead of getting angry I have always been the type to start crying...not because I am hurt or they made me sad but because I get so frustrated my emotions just go all over the place and so that finally happened. I just got so frustrated that I just told the other staff I needed to go use the bathroom and later told her I just needed to cool down for 5 minutes. But it makes you realize just how far these kids are willing to push your buttons and how much I need to work on my authoritative side and emotional side and not let them get the best of me...even though it is bound to happen at some time. But in a way I am kind of glad that it finally happened because I know I am not the only staff who has broke down and I am certain it won't be the last. It just continues to remind me that God has placed me here for a reason and I think one of those reasons is to work on my authoritative side and my emotions which has always been a struggle for me. It is hard but I am glad God is continuing to work in me and help me each day, and that I have such wonderful co-staff to work with and support me and we can support one another!
On a lighter note I spent my two days off with some friends. I went with my roommate Jessica to go look at a horse and she asked if I could ride it after she did since I didn't have much experience riding and she wanted to see how the horse responded. It was so much fun! I love getting back into riding horses but it reminds me that I don't know a lot about them and I forgot how sore you are AFTER you ride! My legs ache all over! But it was super fun and I can't wait to do it again! I also just the other day got my hair cut. I got about 3 inches cut off and added layers and started parting it on the side, then today I got it dyed! I was hoping for a little bit more red but maybe in a few weeks I will do that. It just made my hair lighter than before with slight red but I figured perhaps if I am out in the sun more it will add red. If not I will just buy another box of dye and add more red. But I like the idea of a new job, a new life....then it was time for a new hair style and color change! My roommates and I also picked out a color to paint our off duty bathroom with since it needs a real bad paint job! But It is also exciting because we are making the house OURS and that is something I love.
I was also really proud of myself because I made banana bread for the first time all on my own!!! IT tastes so good so I feel I accomplished something and am really getting into baking on my off days again! I can't wait to experiment more on my off days with cooking and baking!
I go on duty tonight for another 6 days so I just continue to ask for prayer and strength for not only myself but the girls and my fellow staff...especially with Valentine's day coming up and the girls teaching them to be focused on God's love rather than boys. Also I really would love getting into writing letters and cards again so if you are reading still and would love to write I would love to become pen pals! My address is listed below! Miss you all and can't wait to blog again and continue sharing this new journey with you all!
Love Ashley
Address:
Ashley Berkholz
P O. Box 519
Henderson, NE 68371
New Hair cut and color!
Sunday, February 3, 2013
It is now February 3 and it is starting to soak in that I have been here in Nebraska for over a month now. (Was a month on the 22nd of January) It is crazy how time flies! If you are still following me on my journey I am excited to continue to share this adventure with you and so glad you are partaking in this journey with me! I spent the past week doing my normal shift of three days at Bader Cottage and three days at Girls Cottage. That was my last week doing that. Now that we have enough staff we are going to be splitting 3 staff at each cottage to be primary. So I am now a primary staff at Bader Cottage. Which is exciting and nerve wracking at the same time. It will be nice for a few reasons:
1. I get my own room that I can make my own!
2. I get to see the girls everyday I work so it is consistent for both the girls and the staff
3. Build better relationships with the girls who are in the cottage
However some of the cons are:
1. Don't get to build relationships with the other girls at Girl's Cottage anymore
2. I get to see the girls everyday I work....which after day three they start to get annoyed with the staff on duty and we sort of get testy with them as well...I guess patients is really a virtue! :)
But overall, I think it will be for the better. It will just take some adjusting like everything usually does. So this past week I spent the first three days at Bader like usual and for the most part things went pretty smoothly. We had a few issues with a few of the girls and listening to us but that is not out of the ordinary especially with certain girls. But you make the most of it and try to be patient...which let me tell you with teenage girls is especially hard, but perhaps this is one of the many tests God is teaching me while down here is to have some patients and really test my faith in Him. Saturday most of the girls were gone on visits and so we worked on some seasoning for smoking chicken we received. And let me tell you that was a lot of chicken!! to be exact about 21 pounds worth!
Then of course my fellow staff members Becca and Hannah along with the Program Manager Thayne tried to wrap it all up so they wouldn't fall on the way to get smoked...
And here was the result of A LOT of saran wrap! That was a fun end to my three days at Bader for sure! And I made zucchini muffins too! :)
However, my patients was truly tested the last three days of my shift when I went over to Girl's Cottage. To start off I got over there on Monday night so started Tuesday. Well, it started out well enough until one of the newer girls continued to bad mouth my fellow staff member. And it hurts to see your friend get hurt and so you have to step in, but the thing with this girl is she likes to be in charge and so it emotionally takes it out of not only the staff she is lashing out to but the staff that is also defending. She chose to bad mouth her on the way home from school one day while the two of us were talking and walking back and let me tell you I was having NONE of it....if ever I was needing to be tested in my authoritative juices...well this girl is DEFINITELY pushing those buttons. I told her like it was, that whether she liked it or not, we all are her staff and we will do many things she doesn't agree with but we are doing what is best for her whether she chooses to believe it or not. But she needs to listen to us and work on herself if she wants to get out of here anytime soon. She is not allowed to bad mouth the staff anymore and is not to talk about her unless to her and in a calm matter, end of story.
So that was the end of my 4th day of this shift, my first at Girl's Cottage. Then that night it started to snow like crazy with massive wind! We were so nervous that school was going to be cancelled because one thing I have learned about Henderson is they don't salt their roads!!! Apparently the old people in town are more worried about keeping their cars cleaned from salt than to salt the roads! Crazy right!? And so we were waiting all night thinking they would post online that the kids had school cancelled, and at 6:00am the phone rang and both of us just thought "Ugh there it is..." but THANKFULLY it was only a 2 hour late start. Which gave us the opportunity to get the girls all dressed up and we all went out and shoveled and salted the sidewalks and shoveled the driveway...all of 20 minutes with 6 girls staff included! Not bad!
Well the kids went to school and about 3 hours later at 1:00pm we get a call from one of our girls stating she was "sick" well we knew she wasn't sick but we still went to the school and had a talk with her and long story short she refused to go back to school for other reasons and we ended up taking her to the office to talk to the program manager because we didn't know what else to do, we didn't want her to blow up in school and it was definitely heading there. So she stayed there the rest of the day until we picked her up after school with the other girls. Well the deal for her to get her school card signed is that if she gets it signed we will let our bosses dog stay the night at the cottage while he was out of town. Well that didn't happen that night he only stayed a few hours so we said worked towards tomorrow then...well same time Thursday the same thing happened at school and the program manager was NOT happy with her. They had a big talk and she thankfully went to school on Friday! Made us happy to see her finally go the entire time! Well the dog did get to stay with us the first night I was on duty there but that was it...and she refused to stay off of my fellow staff member Caitlain's clean clothes on her bed! Everytime she tried to move the close the dog growled haha. So needless to say guess where the dog slept all night!?
I would say Spunky won that round!
Thursday I went out to lunch with a fellow staff member Jess P. While the kids were at school we spent time together getting to know each other more. She works at Girl's Cottage now and used to work at Boy's. We went to The Dutch a small restaurant in town and seeing as it was Thursday they were serving Verenika...which apparently is a big deal down here in Henderson! It was actually really good though!
The rest of the week went by smooth sailing Friday. Caitlain and I went off duty on Friday night and after that long emotional week we were so ready to go off! I think that the weather plays a lot into people's moods and this past week it was like their was a full moon and everyone just had problem after problem, which is emotionally draining. Plus I had a few personal issues to deal with back home with my mom so you add that to the emotional list problem and it makes like a headache and you are leaping for a break! So on our first day off I went to York to do some thrifting well my fellow staff Jess and do some grocery shopping at Walmart it was super fun! I got a new comforter and pillow cases, etc for only 18.00!!! Queen size! I am super excited to add it into my new on duty room! :) Then Jess found this adorable rocking chair for her on duty room at Boy's Cottage...take a look and you will find it adorable as well!
Jess of course had to test it out and see how it worked! It was an adorable chair! We also went out to see her horse and I got to ride her around for a bit...was my first time riding a horse since middle school!! LEt me tell you once I got on that horse I felt so at peace looking out at the fields around me and the country life that was so peaceful and silent...it made me truly realize that I was meant for country life and I love it! It just takes you over and you feel this calm and happiness surround you!
So then yesterday I spent the day with Caitlain and it was SO nice out! It was simply just sweater weather all day so we walked around the town of Aurora exploring the little town. We got coffee at this adorable coffee shop!
Clever name right! IT was so charming and small which are the coffee shops I love the most! Then we just walked around town taking in all the shops. We stopped in the scrapbooking store which I feel is going to be a death trap for me! Then we went to the local used book store where the owner is so sweet and her kids run the register and they are only like 10! She came up to us right away and asked if she could make us some coffee! How cute! We said maybe next time since we already bought some coffee...but then we got to chatting and talked about where we worked and what we do, which she knew all about and she told us that anything in the store was half price anytime we come in! How sweet of her was that! We ended up getting some devotional books for our kids...I got three books that looks for the most part like new for 7.00!!! :) I am excited to start reading them with the girls for devotions! We then got back to town at 2:00pm and we spent 5 hours scrapbooking with Jess C at Greenhouse! It was so much fun just hanging out with my new friends just scrapbooking and chatting. Then Jess made dinner and Caitlain, Jess and I had dinner and later had some lemon dessert we had made earlier from pintrist! To end the night I got to have a Skype date with my best friend and former roomie Rebecca! It was great to chat and catch up with her and vent on both of our parts, I definitely miss her a lot and can't wait until she can come visit.
So to end my break since I go on duty tonight at 9:30pm as most of you should know is I plan to get Starbucks and watch THE SUPERBOWL!!! Duh! What better way to end a break than some football!! :)
Enough said...now bring on some football and the next week of work!!!
1. I get my own room that I can make my own!
2. I get to see the girls everyday I work so it is consistent for both the girls and the staff
3. Build better relationships with the girls who are in the cottage
However some of the cons are:
1. Don't get to build relationships with the other girls at Girl's Cottage anymore
2. I get to see the girls everyday I work....which after day three they start to get annoyed with the staff on duty and we sort of get testy with them as well...I guess patients is really a virtue! :)
But overall, I think it will be for the better. It will just take some adjusting like everything usually does. So this past week I spent the first three days at Bader like usual and for the most part things went pretty smoothly. We had a few issues with a few of the girls and listening to us but that is not out of the ordinary especially with certain girls. But you make the most of it and try to be patient...which let me tell you with teenage girls is especially hard, but perhaps this is one of the many tests God is teaching me while down here is to have some patients and really test my faith in Him. Saturday most of the girls were gone on visits and so we worked on some seasoning for smoking chicken we received. And let me tell you that was a lot of chicken!! to be exact about 21 pounds worth!
And here was the result of A LOT of saran wrap! That was a fun end to my three days at Bader for sure! And I made zucchini muffins too! :)
However, my patients was truly tested the last three days of my shift when I went over to Girl's Cottage. To start off I got over there on Monday night so started Tuesday. Well, it started out well enough until one of the newer girls continued to bad mouth my fellow staff member. And it hurts to see your friend get hurt and so you have to step in, but the thing with this girl is she likes to be in charge and so it emotionally takes it out of not only the staff she is lashing out to but the staff that is also defending. She chose to bad mouth her on the way home from school one day while the two of us were talking and walking back and let me tell you I was having NONE of it....if ever I was needing to be tested in my authoritative juices...well this girl is DEFINITELY pushing those buttons. I told her like it was, that whether she liked it or not, we all are her staff and we will do many things she doesn't agree with but we are doing what is best for her whether she chooses to believe it or not. But she needs to listen to us and work on herself if she wants to get out of here anytime soon. She is not allowed to bad mouth the staff anymore and is not to talk about her unless to her and in a calm matter, end of story.
So that was the end of my 4th day of this shift, my first at Girl's Cottage. Then that night it started to snow like crazy with massive wind! We were so nervous that school was going to be cancelled because one thing I have learned about Henderson is they don't salt their roads!!! Apparently the old people in town are more worried about keeping their cars cleaned from salt than to salt the roads! Crazy right!? And so we were waiting all night thinking they would post online that the kids had school cancelled, and at 6:00am the phone rang and both of us just thought "Ugh there it is..." but THANKFULLY it was only a 2 hour late start. Which gave us the opportunity to get the girls all dressed up and we all went out and shoveled and salted the sidewalks and shoveled the driveway...all of 20 minutes with 6 girls staff included! Not bad!
Well the kids went to school and about 3 hours later at 1:00pm we get a call from one of our girls stating she was "sick" well we knew she wasn't sick but we still went to the school and had a talk with her and long story short she refused to go back to school for other reasons and we ended up taking her to the office to talk to the program manager because we didn't know what else to do, we didn't want her to blow up in school and it was definitely heading there. So she stayed there the rest of the day until we picked her up after school with the other girls. Well the deal for her to get her school card signed is that if she gets it signed we will let our bosses dog stay the night at the cottage while he was out of town. Well that didn't happen that night he only stayed a few hours so we said worked towards tomorrow then...well same time Thursday the same thing happened at school and the program manager was NOT happy with her. They had a big talk and she thankfully went to school on Friday! Made us happy to see her finally go the entire time! Well the dog did get to stay with us the first night I was on duty there but that was it...and she refused to stay off of my fellow staff member Caitlain's clean clothes on her bed! Everytime she tried to move the close the dog growled haha. So needless to say guess where the dog slept all night!?
Thursday I went out to lunch with a fellow staff member Jess P. While the kids were at school we spent time together getting to know each other more. She works at Girl's Cottage now and used to work at Boy's. We went to The Dutch a small restaurant in town and seeing as it was Thursday they were serving Verenika...which apparently is a big deal down here in Henderson! It was actually really good though!
The rest of the week went by smooth sailing Friday. Caitlain and I went off duty on Friday night and after that long emotional week we were so ready to go off! I think that the weather plays a lot into people's moods and this past week it was like their was a full moon and everyone just had problem after problem, which is emotionally draining. Plus I had a few personal issues to deal with back home with my mom so you add that to the emotional list problem and it makes like a headache and you are leaping for a break! So on our first day off I went to York to do some thrifting well my fellow staff Jess and do some grocery shopping at Walmart it was super fun! I got a new comforter and pillow cases, etc for only 18.00!!! Queen size! I am super excited to add it into my new on duty room! :) Then Jess found this adorable rocking chair for her on duty room at Boy's Cottage...take a look and you will find it adorable as well!
Jess of course had to test it out and see how it worked! It was an adorable chair! We also went out to see her horse and I got to ride her around for a bit...was my first time riding a horse since middle school!! LEt me tell you once I got on that horse I felt so at peace looking out at the fields around me and the country life that was so peaceful and silent...it made me truly realize that I was meant for country life and I love it! It just takes you over and you feel this calm and happiness surround you!
So to end my break since I go on duty tonight at 9:30pm as most of you should know is I plan to get Starbucks and watch THE SUPERBOWL!!! Duh! What better way to end a break than some football!! :)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)