It is now October 26, it marks day one of my break. I have now been here for 10 months working here at Grace Children's Home. These past 10 months have brought many changes to my life. I have made many wonderful friends and really grown as a person in becoming who God wants me to be. The growth comes from both the fun times and the challenging parts of my job. I find that in the past month and a half since I have been working at Boys Cottage I see myself growing each day. It is a wonderful feeling to see that I am not only helping the boys grow but I am as well. This past shift especially that I was in has been hard. I am finding myself to be more agitated and more irritated than normal. Not to mention I am always tired but I can't sleep until bedtime because there is always something that needs to be done around the house. I just have had a few days these past few weeks but especially this week where I just want to cry and let whatever crazy emotions go...even though I don't know why they are there. I have just had a crazy long shift, on day 2 I felt like I was on day 9...and apparently I looked like it according to my co-worker haha. I just had many moments where the boys would be emotionally struggling and I was trying to deal with that...not to mention I had a few moments where I felt like I was just working by myself. It's those moments when you freak out and you just don't know what to do. Not to mention, stupid me had to sit on my stubborn high horse and not accept the help of my friends for a few weeks...I hit my head about three weeks ago when I fell out of bed and hit my night stand. I didn't think it was a big deal that I still had a headache two weeks later, and finally my friends may have told my boss who made me go to the doctor. Suffered a slight minor concussion which is no biggie...I thought I was fine and could play basketball again since the doctor never said a specific date (or I am just stubborn I guess) and although I didn't push myself to the full extent that I could have when playing with the guys I realized the next day when I woke up how I was not ready for that. It could have been the little tap in the head by the basketball to the back of the head that made it hurt a bit more but it was like a wake up call that made me FINALLY realize that I need to take care of myself. (insert and "I told you so" from my friends probably).It just made me honestly wish I had listened to my friends in the first place. I guess I am just so use to being independent and not needing anyone to take care of me that when someone actually came to try and help me,  I chose not to accept the help. I am truly grateful for these friends of mine. It is just taking me a little longer to realize that there are actually people out there who care for me and aren't going to leave me, or turn on me, or in some way shape or form hurt me. I've been hurt too many times in the past emotionally that I guess I have just built this wall up and have gotten use to it. I guess that is something that is truly great about this job is that although it is an extremely difficult lesson to learn I am starting to learn to be humble and open to people helping me...well starting to. It is a long process I think but I think it will only get better once I accept the help people have to offer. These past 10 months have really taught me a lot about not only the lives these kids live, but really about myself and the importance of friendship. These past few weeks I have gotten to create a lot of memories with my friends including raking and jumping in leaves with my boys, a 5K Color Run with Becca which involved running in the cold and having paint thrown at us while we did it...nothing like a fun messy run to start your day off! It was just great to do those things that are fun and even if you do it once you create memories to last. Not to mention I got to sit and watch Becca and Hannah take on the boys in a basketball game (which I couldn't play unfortunately) wearing ridiculous outfits that make your day that much brighter...I think it is those little things that brighten your day even when you get down. Knowing that you have those friends that can help you get through anything even if you can't see it yourself. Which I am glad to know I have that because whatever struggles I am dealing with right now I know that I have friends for, as long as I open up. It is not to say things are perfect in my life because to be honest my life is pretty messed up as we speak and I don't know where my future leads even in the next few months but at least I have some great people who love and support me. Plus as much as this job is stressful, I also love these kids and the things I am learning each day working with them. Each challenge brings a new lesson to learn.

Love,
Ashley